Tony Television is Family Television

As we all know, Sunday night is family TV time, and nowhere more so than at the Tony Television Network! That’s why we’ve put together three family-friendly shows, which are still so daring and inventive that the competition will hang their heads in shame!

8:00 – OUR WHOLESOME FRONTIER. Tom Wopat and Stephanie Zimbalist star in this heartwarming period drama about the trials and travails of a pioneer family who leave Baltimore and resettle in Angel’s Wing, Utah. Joining parents Jonah and Abigail are their three children, Timothy (Matthew Lawrence), Constance (Angela Featherstone), and Mary (Scarlett Pomers), as well as crusty old Grandpa (R. Lee Ermey). Upon arriving in their new home, they learn valuable life lessons from reformed drunkard Reverend O’Hooley (Reed Diamond), crafty Prospector Bill (John Collum) and cranky Mrs. Applebottom (Sharon Gless).

9:00 – SENIOR SLEUTH. Hal Linden returns to TV as retired psychology professor Randall Peterson, who turns to solving murders to alleviate the boredom of retirement. Florence Henderson stars as his wife, Florence, and Antonio Sabato, Jr. as his “right-hand man” Lance Parsons. William Katt also appears as Santa Gloria District Attorney Timothy Justice.

10:00 – TEX ARCANA: COWBOY SORCERER. Lee Horsley stars as a mystical gunslinger who uses the forces of magic to bring law and order to the Old West. He is joined by a transplanted New York banker played by Paul Provenza and a mysterious talking horse. In the pilot, they prevent an unscrupulous cattle baron (John Beck) from tearing down a small community church.

You want a positive and uplifting end to the week? Watch the Tony Television Network!!!

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Browsing Through Hell said...

I guess you're conceding the 7-8PM timeslot to BTH TV's "Dying to Live." A wise move.

Our Wholesome Frontier - Wopat and Zimbalist versus Gerard and Kramer over at BTH TV?? I'll take that match-up every Sunday of the week. "Fugitive Family"'s kids are even better than your lackluster child-star has-beens. And you even have the sheer lunacy to cast a LAWRENCE BROTHER on network TV. Didn't you hear, "Grant Clunker," there is NO MORE work in Hollywood for the Lawrence Brothers. They are persona non gratis in La-La Land. The phone company isn't even allowed to list their names and number in the White Pages.

Senior Sleuth - A crimesolving shrink on Tony TV versus a gambling addict PI on BTH TV. Linden vs. Onaroti. I'm gonna stick with Onaroti here. People have been in love with him ever since Cop Rock. 9PM goes to "D'Angelo" over at BTH TV.

Tex Arcana - The casting of Lee Horsely was a real coup for Tony TV. I had a PI vehicle over at BTH TV with his name on it - literally. It was called "Lee," and I had him cast as a retired Texas Ranger hired by a private security firm to protect a pampered Arab Sheik. Then his agent told me he'd already signed with you guys. I bet after being on the Tex Arcana set for a week, he wishes he'd held out for our offer. I'm so sorry he has to go toe-to-toe with BTH TV's SMASH HIT "Thoroughbreds." I hear Heather Locklear sent him a fruit basket with her condolences.

Tony said...

BTH continues in his misguided attempt to draw comparisons between the audience-pleasers on the Tony Television Network and the advertiser-alienators on his own low-rent broadcasting outlet. But this time, he goes too far.

I have already commented on what a quixotic adventure producing "Fugitive Family" will be, and I feel nothing but sympathy for the cast and crew who will need to list that shameful boondoggle on their resumes. But being up against OWF will insure that nobody's ever heard of it anyway. As for your peculiar views on the Lawrence brothers, I can only say COMEBACK. Big time.

In the spirit of fairness, I will suggest that BTH and I resolve to acknowledge the concept of "counterprogramming" here. The oversexed and perverse aids to onanism that he offers simply appeal to a different (and much smaller) demographic than shows like "Senior Sleuth" and "Tex Arcana: Cowboy Sorcerer," which everyone can enjoy.

But let me just add that a true star like Lee Horsley would not sully his reputation by appearing in BTH's lamentable lineup. Once again, it's clear that BTH lives in some strange fantastic world of his own invention, where the rules of common sense and decency do not apply.

Anonymous said...

TEX ARCANA: COWBOY SORCERER sounds suspiciously like Bravestar.

Tony said...

I must've missed that one. Never heard of it. Thanks for reading!