The Tony Television Network

It was Newton Minow who, in 1961, declared television to be a "vast wasteland," an immortal phrase that is just as true now as it was then. However, Mr. Minow may have sung a different tune had he been privileged to view the stunningly original and outrageously envelope-pushing programming on The Tony Television Network!

Saturday night is a cavalcade of stars and a cornucopia of laughs on TTN! Check out our schedule of unbeatable shows, and stay tuned!

8:00 -- BLUE COLLAR MAN. Funnyman Dom Irrera stars as Domenic, a hardworking factory foreman who lives in a lower-middle class suburb with his wife Sandra (Amy Pietz) and their four precocious children. Top commedians Steven Wright and Elaine Boozler also star as their goofy neighbors Clyde and Cha-Cha.

8:30 -- BLACK AND WHITE. Sparks fly when a straight-laced white businessman named John Black (Tim Daly) must share a New York City apartment with a steetwise “jive-talkin’” black man named Scooter White (Shawn Wayans) in this irreverent social satire.

9:00 -- JESUS, MARY & JOSEPH. The place: Nazareth. The time: 15 AD. Average, everyday couple Joseph and Mary (Jere Burns and Nadia Dajani) have their hands full with a teenaged messiah (Cameron Findley). Fyvush Finkel co-stars as Nicodemus in this hilarious look at the generation gap.

9:30 -- MY DARK ANGEL. Based on the popular movie Dark Angel: the Ascent, this urbane comedy examines the life of a Los Angeles physician, Max Barris (Josh Saviano) and his young bride, a former demon from Hell, Veronica Iscariot (Christine Taylor). William Devane co-stars as thorn-in-the-side police captain Harris.

10:00 -- VIOLENCE, INC. Page Fletcher stars as Napoleon Smith in this action-packed adventure show. Smith leads a ragtag band of vigilantes in a cross-country battle with the forces of corruption. Also starring Julius Carry as gun-toting Stretch Johnson, Mark Frankel as handsome Luke West, Erika Eleniak as seductive Jenny McCracken, Adam Wylie as whiz-kid “Brains” Mason, and Robyn Lively as judo-expert Kimberly Bloomfontein. Yvonne Craig co-stars as their secret government contact, Dr. Alysyn Hardcastle. In the pilot episode, they prevent a renegade army colonel (Billy Drago) from unleashing a deadly computer virus.

TTN -- The Best TV Network Ever!!!

Next: More Tony Television!


JB said...

Well, at least there isn't any "reality tv" in the lineup...

Tony said...

Certainly not! Rest assured, JB, the Tony Television Network would never run lowbrow trash like so-called "reality" shows... on Saturday.

Thanks for playing! You win a fabulous doorprize!

Browsing Through Hell said...

Blue Collar Man - I object to your use of the word "funnyman" in reference to Irrera, who is more aptly labeled a "black hole" of comedy. Once a joke has entered his gravitational field, no humor can escape. What a waste of a talented comedienne such as Ms. Pietz. I'm afraid her career will never recover from this. As for Wright and Boozler, they're working for the 6 episodes of pay they'll be receiving before the plug gets pulled on this dreck-fest.

Black & White - I'm glad you stuck this at 8:30 behind the abysmal lead-in of Blue Collar Man. Head to head against Nun the Wiser over BTH TV, Black & White might have spelled trouble for my crime-solving nun. I hope you give Daily and Wayans a break and shift them elsewhere on your schedule.

Jesus, Mary & Joseph - Definitely a classic. This shoudl prove stiff competition for "Follow Me" over at BTH TV.

My Dark Angel - I don't get this. Is it a comedy, a thriller, horror, what? Audiences won't get it either. That sound you hear is a million remotes flashing past Devane's scowling mug.

Violence, Inc. - Let me guess. Tony TV had a contest online on a usenet newsgroup, and this is what the winner came up with. Where's BA Barracus, Howling Mad Murdock & Face? Sure, you'll snag whatever 5-10 year-old viewers are awake at 10PM, but the rest of America will be feasting on cool jazz music and intriguing mysteries - i.e. Orpheus Jones - over on BTH TV.

Final ratings - BTH TV's Saturday schedule by a landslide.

Tony said...

The sad, laughable delusional who calls himself BTH seems to think he has a hope in hell of beating the Tony Television Network in the Nielsen ratings with his impenetrably bizarre programming. Fat chance. I encourage all my readers to check out his offerings and judge for yourself.

As to his inscrutable comments, all I can say is, no tired retread of the "crimefighting nun" formula will ever stand against the astonishing originality of my shows. No one is more deserving of the title "funnyman" than the maniacally hilarious Dom Irrera, and his co-stars guarantee an avalance of laughs each and every week. Paired with pure television genius like "Black and White," BTH might as well throw in the towel.

"Stiff competition?" PLEASE! These shows will annihilate all you've made to a green thought in a cathode-ray shade!

"Violence, Inc." is no "A-Team" rehash, as you seem to suggest, but is a feast for action-lovers the world over, with the most jaw-droppingly innovative characters and plots ever to grace our screens.

Abandon hope, BTH. You're simply outclassed.