HITLER SURRENDERS, Says “We Were Only Foolin’”
BERLIN—Adolf Hitler offered a conditional surrender today, telling Allied leaders that Germany was “only foolin’” when they invaded Poland and was “just messin’ wit’” France during the occupation. He reportedly told General Eisenhower to “lighten up,” saying, “try to crack a smile, your face won’t break in half, I promise.” He went on to castigate Allied commanders for “makin’ a big deal out of everything.”
The German Chancellor claimed that the Nazi party itself was “a gag” intended to “get the goats” of left-wing intellectuals, and that the Axis Alliance merely represented those in on the jape. He explained, “Mussolini understood my humor. He ‘got’ it. Hirohito, well, I was never sure if he was smiling because he thought it was funny or because he didn’t understand a word I said.”
Hitler described the systematic murder of several million Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals, and other ‘undesirables’ as “a practical joke,” saying, “Maybe it was in poor taste. But jeez, these days you have to be Sourpuss McHumorless or have the Political Correctness police jump down your throat!”
German Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels added, “Everyone knows the Allies have no sense of humor.”
